Confusion

It creeps up slowly,
It has no shape,
From the back of my mind,
My forehead it drapes.

Edging down my cheek,
Past those soft lips,
Clamping my throat,
It has a deadly grip.

Into the heart it sidles,
It's inconspicuous at first,
Then the pain kick starts,
And the heart threatens to burst.

It's temptation and longing,
It's happiness and a smile
It's tears and anxiety,
It's emotions that are piled.

To figure it out, I try,
But it's a big ball of threads
A constricted feeling, now
My body feels like lead.

Mood swings and anger
Occur so ridiculously fast,
They render an outsider speechless
How I wish to put this in my past.

I wonder if it would've been better another way,
If I'd made a different decision,
Would this not be happening?
Would I have handled this with precision?

Situations and parallel worlds
Flood my mind like a waterfall,
Judgements change by the hour,
And I realize this is not me at all.

The person I was,
Became the person I am,
This occurrence of change,
Causes internal bedlam.

I try to calm my furious mind down,
I give up dejectedly with a sigh
And I wait expectantly for the time,
When I can bid this confusion goodbye.