Monday, December 3, 2012

When I Grew Up


Many a times during different points in your life, people ask you about the one incident after the occurrence of which, you realized that you’d grown up. The mind works furiously as you try to think of that one incident, finally coming to stop between going on the metro alone or picking your class 11 subjects without any help and for less independent minds, reading Yann Martel’s ‘Life of Pi’ and understanding it.
My take on that question is a little different. The way I was brought up was different from most other people in my class. Freedom was given, not earned. There were definitive boundaries but I was still freer than most others. So “the first time I got freedom” is not my incident.
Others may say that that they grew up after their first real relationship. I have had that, but the change I felt after it was over wasn’t the feeling of growing up.
There are so many times in life when people say that they promised to do something (or stop doing it) and they change. They grow up. This, I can agree with. Because I had tried promising myself a countless number of things, commitments I would honour, promises I would keep and changes I would make. However all this heartfelt proclamations would disappear from sight and mind just a week after they were made. But then one day, I realized that I messed up. I realized that if I did not fix that mess not tomorrow, but right now, I would forever be stuck in the same cycle, of there being a next time. Next time I mess up, next time I break a promise, next time I don’t honour a commitment. And at that point, when I decided to leave “next time” behind forever, that was the point where I grew up.

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